What I learnt this week at Holy Communion!

We often think that some things are too petty for God to care for. Nevertheless, don't forget, God cares for you and everything you do. Doesn't matter if its the friends you make, the ministries you're in, or the status updates you update. He cares for you. Not for what you do for Him, but just because you are His. Not because of who you are, but because of who He is!

I started this year thinking that this is the year, I'm going to try to please the Lord. Noble thought you say? I wanted to remembered by the end of 2010 as one who tried. That when people thought of me, they would say "Marcus? Well, at least he tried!". This was also what I wanted to be inscribed on my gravestone and it still is. I want to known as someone who remained faithful. And so, I equated Obedience and Love with Works and Responsibilities. It's not that being a Christian and a Child of God means there are no responsibilities. And I'm not saying you don't have work to do as a Christian, far be it from me. I can't stand lazy Christians who talk a lot, but don't work. Cakap tak serupa bikin memang kiam pak!(LOL). But what I'm saying is, personally, I emphasized on these too much. I really really really tried to find approval by doing work.

Well, there were 2 things wrong with that. Number 1. Whose approval? Number 2. Whose work? God really convicted me of those 2 things.

Anyways, as I said, that was my goal for 2010. To be someone who TRIED.

On Friday night, I went to Penang House of Prayer for Friday Night Burn with my dad. It just so happened that my dad did not have to go to Serdang to fetch the Hokkien Fellowship member and it just so happened service ended early that night. And it just so happened that I had an incessant desire to go to PenHOP. So I persuaded my dad (somehow XD) to take me to Penang at 9pm in the night. 10mins into the journey towards Penang, we got caught in a jam. I think my dad was considering not going to Penang due to that jam, but he never said a word (pure speculation.) Anyways, the crawl was for about 10mins and we passed an accident. Come to think of it, there were so many points of the journey that could have caused us to turn back and go home. But God works in mysterious ways.

We reach PenHOP and we go up. And at the door, I hear Josh Yeoh saying, "He loves you not for what you do!". I headed for the toilet and then entered the room. I sat down and said a quiet prayer. God actually revealed a few issues in my life, but I will just share one.

After 15-20mins of TRYING to focus to worship, I finally entered that tangible atmosphere. I knew God was right at my side, and I knew He was listening. So I started praying. I repented of my insincerity and for making the whole thing about me and not Him. And then, Josh led the song You will not relent by Misty Edwards. And the 1st line hit me real hard.

You won't relent till until You have it all

My heart is Yours.

I had read the lyrics on his blog before, but that was just for viewing pleasure. But that night, the song hit me. The part God won't relent I get. God is unmovable God. But He wants it all? I thought God just wants my good side? He won't want my bad side, my sinful nature, my lustful desires. Will He? Oh. I might have to rethink some of my standings.

And then, there was this song that REALLY REALLY REALLY hit me and I started bawling!

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

God is jealous for me? I mean, I knew this, I had told people that God is a jealous God. But this was a first-hand experience for me!

As Terence gave out communion, it was really a time that I re-communed with God. It was truly a reconciliation time for me. I became one with God. No no, I did not become God, but He and I were united. And I could feel His heartbeat. I could hear Him saying, "I love you, Marcus. I love you so much. If only you thought about it more often."

All in all, the lesson I learnt that night was, I started the year thinking of what I could do, what I could achieve. I did not bother to stop and say, God, not by my power, not by my might. The 1st thing that came to mind was, Change your blog. It is no longer the journey of striving. No longer the trying on your part. Yes, you still strive for holiness and righteousness and purity. But not by your strength. All the good qualities must be IN Christ.

It is the rediscovery of love. His love for me. And why I do all the things that I do. Why I run LYPG, why I do the MYPG videos. I'm not doing it just because Yosh told me to do so. No. He received the directive from the Lord yes, and because I acknowledge his authority in MYPG , but I must remember that I do it because I love Christ. Because He 1st loved me.

I want to remind all of us here at MYPG or in other ministries. Do a heart check. Are you doing your work out of obligation? If you are, it's time to re-evaluate. Be sincere. Yosh said it's not my work, but the Lord's. It's not our battle, but His.

¹²"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command you.- John 15:13

I am a friend of God. WOW! =)

Regards,

MarcusDS